In the past month or so I’ve successfully managed to disappear from many things in my life. When you’re life does that frustraiting thing where it begins to spiral downwards all you want to do is disappear.
I needed time to myself, to be with myself and actually listen to what I want. Sometimes people can become so consumed by everything around them. According to most religious standards were meant to be kind, caring, and compassionate people. According to social standards, as a female, I should be either starting a happy family or studying hard for my career. According to family and friends I should be happy and enjoying my youth.
But what if, right now, I’m not really any of them? Sure I care and I feel compassion, but not for myself. I’m studying in university in a degree that I can hardly cope with, but not for myself. When I leave my house everyday I slap on a happy face, but not for myself.
Who would be comfortable with the idea that right now, I actually don’t have the energy to care? That I lack the passion to study and the idea of continuing is enough to make me sick? Or that when I leave the house with that well practised smile, it’s only so everyone else doesn’t see the misery that underlies it, so they don’t feel uncomfortable.
So I’ve decided to stop listening to what everyone else would like or what others prefer and take a little time out to ask myself, hey what do you want? What I’ve learnt is that if you drown out your wants and desires simply because they conflict with those of the world – then how are you ever meant to find energy, passion, and above all, happiness? Take the time out to ask yourself. What do YOU want?